My Dil-logical bla bla !

It's my Birthday, I get a Dedication.

2012-01-13T01:07:00.000-08:00

And I'm happy with nothing that falls short of a well rhymed piece ;) The funniest Birthday Present ever, and the best too ! Here goes :

Once upon a time, in a land far far away.

There lived a young princess, happy and gay.

Charming to a fault, the world to her beat swayed

Especially boys, born in the month of May.

She was much in vogue, a craze, a fever.

Her admirers ranged from Gaga to Beiber.

A gorgeous sight, set to Davis’s Bugle

For the betterment of the world, she worked for Google.

She bled for the unfortunate, young and old,

And yet found her way to every sale sold,

When angry and spiteful, she could be very cold,

More than one expletive, has this author been told.

As the sun shined, she made hay,

Legend has it that they say,

Santa had beat but she was his Dr Dre,

And so the 25^th of December became Bebo Day.

P.S : These are the poet's views and could be biased about my cold soul. I'm as warm as..well.. the sun at 4pm.

Emotional What??

2012-01-11T03:11:00.000-08:00

I spent last evening after work with someone I regard as my mentor being by her side as she is recovering from a long term illness. In her words "Not only are you great to have around because you make me awesome Indian food, you're also the source of my much needed medicine - laughter." I let out a slight giggle and thought about how hopeless she was last year around the same time and what an amazing recovery she's had not with all the medication but by understanding the importance of others things in recovery than just medicines. M was diagnosed with Diabetes last year and how that led to various other health complications. Though she was on medication, she lived in the constant fear of not being able to get well and instead of imagining a future where she is in perfect health she imagined more rounds to the hospital and a sad pathetic future.
Now, this was the time when I had known her for a few months and was appalled at what she was doing to herself unknowingly. Now, no matter how pathetic I am at handling the smallest disturbance in my life (read : I have box of tissues stacked in my drawers for such emergencies), I am quite a life saver when it comes to giving a hand to someone who's down in the dumps. That was the moment, the hidden not so useless me rose to the occasion and we had a conversation which I justified with facts from both our lives and then it made sense to her. The gist of the conversation was that whether we know or not, accept it or not, our emotional well being has so much more to do with our physical health than the due credit it receives. Who doesn't know that staying happy and cheerful does you a lot of good. Everyone does. But do they know that we go through various emotions multiple times a day and depression is not the only emotion that can harm us physically. I personally, have suffered from a long term illness which doctors attributed to stress. Now what stress could I possibly have at the age of 22, with the most amazing family and friends and a job at the best company in the world. The point is, one needs to know what it means to have a negative emotion that can harm you. It's not just anger. It's anger, anxiety, stress, worry, jealousy, sadness, hopelessness and anything that does not make you feel great. Feeling OKAY is not a positive emotion either. And though it's okay to feel a tonne of emotions each day, because we are all human, what's not okay is to hold them within us for long or drown in them. Emotions naturally have a very short lifespan. They are meant to flow through us not to be held within us. What happens though is that often we feel an emotion and we get caught up in it and it stops the flow. Whenever you get angry or agitated or upset or anxious or stressed or tense, immediately stop what you are doing and try to figure out what emotions are you feeling. By breathing deeply into your heart while you experience the feeling, you can allow the emotion to flow through you and leave. (remember when parents told you to count till 100 when you're angry?) If you hold on to anger or tension or anxiety, you are embedding this pattern into your cellular memory and over time it will begin to manifest in the physical body as pain or disease. The Practical Mastery? Try and be more aware of your emotions. We don't need medicines and (with due respect to all doctors) we don't really need them as well. All we need is a little more awareness about ourselves and our lives.

Live life, love Life !

P.S. Before you leave, do let me know on a scale of famous life speakers and your local self proclaimed sensible aunts, how good were my two cents on the subject? :)

Voices from Vietnam : Real People, Unreal Lives

2011-10-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

When someone told me that there is no selfless good deed, I argued that there is one: Volunteering to make the world a better place. But now, as I return from one of my trips to Vietnam after volunteering, I feel maybe they were right. I don’t know how happy I made the kids feel back there, but this whole feeling of being able to share their lives and make them laugh and being Santa Claus for them (way early into the season, I know) really put me on a high that’s going to last for a long long time. So, maybe good deeds are not so selfless after all, as they make us feel better about ourselves. Frankly, I did kind of feel a little superior to my friend when she told me she went to Avalon on Saturday night to get drunk and I said I cooked for kids at an orphanage in Vietnam J A few incidents, conversations and laughs will probably stay with me all my life. I’ve just tried to share here, things that made me think and probably will make you take a step back and give a thought as well.

Day 1, I was talking to this boy with special needs who wanted to go see New Delhi with me next Christmas because I told him Delhi has lot of food and he was an orphan who barely managed a meal a day and was rescued from a child abuse encounter. Doctors said he won't last until next Christmas to see Delhi. If I ever deserved a pat on my back to not let a teardrop fall off my eyes, it was that moment. It was a moment when I looked at the two of them, and without choking said : Look there’s a squirrel. We volunteers are specifically asked and counseled to not get emotionally and personally involved with the people we volunteer to work for, for our own sake in a way. But like I always say, it takes you to be a log of wood to do that. Anyhow, I made the counselor proud as I did not break down (like I did last time back in Singapore once) and started chatting with this little one about other things. And he was so adorable! This is how the conversation went (I’ve edited his broken English)

Boy : Where are you coming from? In a plane?

Me : From Singapore. Yes plane and then taxi J

Boy : J How is Singapore?

Me: Bright, beautiful, and full of shopping malls.

Boy : Do you have a boyfriend?

Me : Do you have a girlfriend?

Boy : *Looks down* No

Me : Why, you're so handsome, it's impossible that you don't have a girlfriend. You’re just not telling me.

He blushed and chuckled and ran away saying he needed to go to drink water.

---------

We were asked to do an icebreaker session with the kids so after each of us introduced ourselves, something really funny happened. This one kid stood up.

Kid : "Miss sing for us the last song you heard on your earphones” *smiles*

Me: Umm..sure..let me see (The last song was maroon 5 : Moves like Jagger, shit) I looked up, smiled and like a smooth operator started singing…wait for it… twinkle twinke little star…

Kid stands up : “No Miss lying is a bad habit and I am 9 years old so Please sing the correct last song on your ipod.”

#stumped

---------------------

I visited two government hospitals where the volunteer doctors introduced me to what they do and the impact of their work. After I was done taking notes, I walked over to one of the wards and tried to make conversation with two patients one of whom was struggling with a terminal disease. I offered to help her do her hair and boy, was she excited ! It was almost like I’d asked her to a city tour or to cinema (yes going to the movies excites me). Another volunteer had once mentioned it to me once that things that we usually take for granted like getting our hair done is like a luxury when we’re too sick and ill to even look presentable. And clearly, It worked like magic here. She spoke to me about her illness but was strong enough to not break down in front of me. As we spoke, I realized that it is so hard to watch and listen to people trying to make sense of what is happening to them. It broke my heart to hear her story, cannot begin to imagine what it took out of her to talk about impending death to me in her vulnerable state. On the contrary, she openly talked about it to a stranger with complete ease. The faith we put into other people, total strangers, when we are at that point in our life is something we probably won’t understand until we are in that position. It makes me wonder why we shelter ourselves from relationships like that when we are healthy. It is almost like we can’t get “too close” for some fear of being hurt. I got a call for lunch and said goodbye to her. Wish her happiness. It all seemed so unreal, almost from another world. A woman. Desire to live. No Hope. Still smiles. Lesson :Don't take your life for granted : EVER. Please. And share, live, love. Don't save saying I love you to people you love and making them feel special until their or your last day on earth.

Later, spending time with mentally disabled kids made me think about how incredibly caught up those of us who are "normal" become in daily life, how pointlessly stressed and irritated we can become when these kids who have never known the privilege of 'higher thought" and the ability to process abstract concepts are amazingly content with what they have around them. If they can be happy with much less than what we have, why are we so bitter and self-absorbed? Sigh. I said goodbye to the city of ha noi with tearful eyes as in a couple of days, it had made me a better person, a lot more grateful and a lot more compassionate. I will miss those kids and their innocence which never failed to brighten my face even though I was working almost 12 – 13 hours each day until late in the night and then having pho or maggi for dinner. Such a routine in Singapore would have me cranky as hell, but there I was an angel to say the least. The only people I ever tortured were the two other volunteers who I bonded well with during the program and I must add that it helped heaps that they were fluent in sarcasm as a second language which brought in a few wicked laughs and helped us all live through the sadness we did see around, but tried to remain detached from because eventually, we were just a drop in the ocean.

I thoroughly loved the trip and though it always breaks my heart and makes me feel helpless at times to think about what some of the most innocent beings go through, I can’t wait for my next assignment because every time I hear a child laugh to my joke or a sick lady hold my hand and feel better after telling me her story, I know I’ve made a difference. I’m not counting the tears, I’m counting the I love you’s ! And my MOST special moment : A toddler held my finger with his entire hand – I mean sounds stupid but it’s like the most amazing thing that’s happened to me in a long time. And finally, to all the friends who’ve sent me emails, messages on facebook and have called me to tell me you guys are proud of me – Thank you, I really appreciate it and look, there is no selfless good deed after all ;)

Trapped

2011-09-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

Saturday April 31, 2:30 am

Have you ever entered a dark room where you could barely see your hand in front of your face? After a while, your eyes begin to adapt to darkness, and you could see more and more until the quality of light became bearable and you barely notice the gloom. There is a less than satisfactory situation in your life that you have unfortunately gotten used to. If you try to recall how things were before, when you were happy and felt fortunate, you will realize what you have given up and you will begin to recall what you really deserve. Don’t accept a situation that is less than you are worthy of.

I stepped out of the tube station wondering if I should get a cab or walk my way home. The sky was still partly cloudy and it could rain any moment. But the weather was pleasant and I took the risk and decided to walk. At least I can take some risks in life, I smirked and lit a cigarette. I crossed the first bus stop, the Pacific senior citizens home, Block 312, 317, the basketball court…I could now measure the distance to each of these just with my footsteps. That is how long I have been walking this way back home. There is never anything new, ever. Same job, same routine, same way to work and the same way back. Monotony. That’s what had started the whole conversation today evening. The food seemed monotonous and it was an issue of prime importance that needed to be addressed. Little did we know that the most predictable evening of all times would today be the turning point of all our lives.

Friday April 30, 6:00 PM

“Thank God for Fridays” We roared and lifted our glasses to raise a toast to the potentially exciting weekend ahead. Two days ahead of not going to the jobs we hated and being a couch potato and watch the game on Saturday night. Rebecca as usual was about to start ranting about her ludicrous boss when Mark picked up the menu and growled at us to order food. He was starving. Apparently, his new boss’ idea of complete devotion to work is not getting your ass off to eat until the latest editorial submissions are on his table. Nausheen was her usual self, bottoms up and then getting up to light a cigarette. Life had changed its course over the past 5 years for all of us but what remained unchanged was the bond between the four of us and the familiarity that we felt among each other. This was routine for us. One text message would be shared every alternate Friday and whenever all of us could make ourselves available which by the way was the only option, we met at the bar. For some of us, I can safely say this was the time to be ourselves and sometimes after drinking more than limits allowed, one of us would break into a cribbing routine and thus would begin a futile conversation on how our lives had been royally, well you know what. It was the time for conversations that will start over our monotonous evening hangout routine and then take a drastic shift to land all of us in a predicament which would just lead to another weekend of failed self-introspection – until this day. None of us knew today would change our lives forever.

To be Continued...

500 Days of Summer

2011-06-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up to 6 missed calls and 3 text messages on my phone this morning. All from a close friend who recently moved out of a serious relationship. Needless to say, she had not slept all night and her situation was pathetic. Sitting miles away from India, I cannot do much but talk to her on phone and make small jokes to make her laugh and I did just that. Our conversation made me question the importance that we give in our lives to things and people that surround us more than what we give ourselves. Maybe being practical about matters of love and romance is not everyone’s cup of tea but thinking that one person walking out of your life would mean that your world has come to a standstill is no sensible thought either. I think we read way too many Mills & Boon when we were in our teens and then watched more than the recommended healthy number of romantic comedies and gave in to what they call in literature ‘willing suspension of disbelief’ which we do not leave back in the cinema but carry it with us in real life and start looking for circumstances that can justify it. But that’s not going to happen.

I’m sure some of you must have watched the movie ‘500 Days of Summer’. I love that movie because its one movie that shatters all illusions about ‘fate’, ‘the one’, ‘meant to be’ and all those terms related to love. A movie that talks about real life and not fantasies. It does reinforce that there is love in the world but if you are expecting it to arrive in some magical fantasy way - then think again. There are just signs and you go with the flow. If you do, then you find it. Life is short, learn to be happy. Of course, you're going to get your heart broken. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a stronger person because of it.

I don’t say all this from only a third person’s perspective. Take it from someone who’s been there, once you start falling, it’s a long way down and alone, so you really don't want to be in that place. I’ve had to leave people behind in my life and sure I agree, it’s never going to be pleasant and there is no easy way to part ways. But well I had to do it myself, it was like, once I sat down and looked at the situation, all the pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn't a puzzle anymore. None of the pieces fit together. And even if I tried really hard, the pieces, well they were two different puzzles. And I don’t regret those decisions at all. I’m sure you won’t either. Again, life is short, too short to cry over things that did not work out because eventually, everything works out for the best believe me. I hope my friend understands this soon and so does anyone who stumbled on this post in a similar life situation. Please know it is not life threatening. It’s going to be a brand new day tomorrow.

Peace.

Four People You Meet in Bali

2011-06-08T01:41:00.000-07:00

Undoubtedly one of the most culturally rich places I've been to, I've left my heart at Bali. The trip was awesome and while on my way back, I typed this post and it was long due to be posted. So here goes : four people you meet in Bali :)

The taxi guy : Or should I say the Taksi guy, who'd probably attempt to make you believe that he has no idea what you're talking about so you just have no option but get into the taksi and show him the address on the map to drive you to. The place could just be 5 minutes away and the meter would show 5,000 Rupiah and that's the time he would insist that you need to pay him 15,000 rupiah which is the minimum fare. This important T&C is now clearly repeated in english by the guy who apparently thought you were talking in greek 5 minutes back. Welcome to Bali. What you do is argue with him which you'd be good at if you 1) are a woman 2) are a woman from delhi who has a diploma in haggling with the auto waalas in dilli. Both 1) and 2) need to be true in order for you to pay him 10,000 and storm out of the taksi. No, avoid using the F word.

The Tour guide : Now you could go free and easy if you've got time at hand and have patience with reading maps. Or you could hire a tour guide, well its just convenient as you expect him to explain you history and jazz in detail and cover more places in less time versus you hiring a cab and getting to be "the tourist" and eventually ending up only in one part of the city because you simply got lost. But this tour guide could quite be a pain if he just won't stop talking and apart from the history of Indonesia, he will go ahead and ask you if you have a boyfriend, talk about how he is unable to find a girl and get married (not even on the internet) tch tch...and repeat his tag line "believe it or not, this is bali" after every 10 lines he speaks. Please load your iphones/ipods with great music and just turn off in the coach if you have low tolerance like me for such torture at the pretext of imparting cultural knowledge.

The ambush women shopkeepers : So you're strolling by the streets that remind you of Janpath shopping area in Delhi. The Streets have stalls on either sides with various souvenirs and stuff you'd like to pick up for friends and family. While you just stand outside and take a look, the shopkeepers will coax you to come inside and take a look. And beware before you step in, because if you do there is no coming out without getting rid of a few thousand rupiahs. Thats what they do, one of them held my hand and would not let me go until I bought a horribly crafted marble that resembled Gautam Buddha. And yes, I am quite sure that when I left the other shop after bargaining and not getting a good price, what she was yelling behind my back in the local language was not really a "see you again" but abuses. Thats how they are, first of all, aggressive women and second of all, they have to sell ! Phew. Quite a combo to deal with.

The Lost Tourists : These ones are classic. They'll be the regular white people with backpacks, camera, a couple of maps that they suck at reading and no wonder they are always lost and looking for directions. I made solid attempts to look like a tourist myself but I did not really bother with the maps bit. Yet, every second place I went, I had these tourists coming to me with the map and asking directions for south of Bali while standing at the extreme north or vice versa. I kinda misdirected a couple of them which helped me remind myself that its high time I learn to read maps.

So that's from me for now. Take it easy you guys !

World Cup Champions : Nothing Else Matters

2011-04-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

Nothing unites India like Cricket. And boy is that a sight to behold ! Every heart had one wish yesterday and a billion wishes indeed came true. India emerged as the ICC World Cup 2011 Champion by defeating Srilanka in the finals. Respect for the Srilankan team as they completely gave the indian team a run for their money. Infact, the cup seemed as much deserved and earned all the more because we beat the exceptional performance from srilanka. The match turned a little filmy with bats breaking down and Dhoni spinning his bat for a 6 at the last ball (though we had 10 balls left :P but just for the effect). Oh and loving all these conspiracy theories. The world cup was staged, ICC and Lorgat played a dummy, other teams played into hands et. al. Disgraceful to say the least. I hope some lessons have been learnt. Correct me if I am wrong, but we are the first home team to win the world cup. Proud of you team India. Thank you MSD and boys for this amazing win. I can't forget how last year the same people who are hailing Dhoni today were poking fun at him about his freudian slip when he called a traffic signal a red light. Now, do you see what he really is and what really matters? Best batting. Best captain. Best batsman. Best coach. Best test team. Now the best ODI team. The real powerhouse of world cricket, India. And Ofcourse One man. Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Take a bow. Virat Kohli could not have put it in better words. "He's carried the burden of our nation for 21 years. It was time to carry him on our shoulders today." Virat Kohli on Sachin Tendulkar. We will miss you in the next world cup Sachin.

Dhoni's Winning Six Sails over the Boundary

First Victory reaction ! Sangakkara, you guys were great competition.

Anil kumble in the dressing room with WC trophy.

And they are hailed by the media for once ;)

#Indiabeatspak : War at Mohali

2011-04-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

The India vs Pakistan epic match which India won (Jai hind !) was one of the best day of all our lives in the year 2011 (i'm sure you'd agree). I am a cricket fan and take it personally when India is second to anyone in the sport. For the first time, during the world cup I was not in India and had to sit and stream the match on my laptop while I could only begin to imagine the energy and excitement in the atmosphere in India on 30 March , 2011 when India played Pakistan. However, I pretty much tried to make up for it by tweeting and updating my Facebook timeline with all my reactions to the match which otherwise would have been hollered at the TV while watching the match with painted faces back in Delhi with friends and family. This blog will live long and I want to preserve the whole experience forever and have therefore listed my updates during those 8 hours of the match here and those of you who joined in on facebook : thank you, because of you all, I almost forgot that I was not in india. I also got into a fight with some pakis, but more on that maybe later. Who cares, we won ! The finals in less than 24 hours. We are so taking the cup home. Go India. Woot Woot :D

All things sorted to watch the match !

On Review of decisions for Sachin

When Pakistani team was fielding like they were women in their periods

Wickets !!! What else :-/

He sure gave the Indian team a run for their money ! gotta hand it to him.

On the commentators being mean to zaheer boy when he came to bat

Haha ! This was Hilarious, the match seemed fixed at one point.

Shame on you if you dont know what this is for. click here

Munching popcorns now instead of my nails, coz baby we had to win!

Read that somewhere !

What a turnaround for Nehra, the boy made us proud at last though he isn't playing the finals :(

I swear he looked like that !

*Yawn* Watching lame Miss Bah ! play

WE WON !!! India Beat Pak and HOW !

The Morning after. So pissing off these stupid baseless fans !

Daddy's Girl

2011-03-04T00:58:00.000-08:00

It was one of those days when even watching re runs of friends does not stretch the face muscles and even bitchy girls on Reality TV do not get a reaction. So I decide to take a walk outside. One of the most awesome things about Singapore is that it's beautiful and a walk in the park is almost never disappointing except today. I sit in a corner on a bench and tell myself that I will not give in to another chunk of chocolate to get over this mood swing. Just then I see this man holding a bicycle and running along side his little son who is just learning to ride it. The son is irritated that his dad won't leave him alone to ride the bicycle but the father nevertheless is persistent because he knows the moment he leaves it, the boy is gonna fall and get hurt real bad. But you know how kids are, the father is forced to let go and the usual follows. Boy falls down, hurts himself, and cries in the arms of the father who he thought was a lunatic running beside him just five minutes back. I cannot help but laugh at the whole scene. The two look at me and I make an apologetic face. They leave and I'm laughing again. That's how they are, fathers. Adorable. I cry.

My dad taught me ride a bike, he taught me to knot a tie, he taught me grammar and he taught me to crack jokes. And I realize that it's not something frivolous like a mood swing that I am going through. It is a fear of the unknown and a resistance to the truth that's making me cranky. My dad has been ill and this time it is not just a cold, fever...I don't know what to compare it to, because I don't remember him falling sick last. That's the point, he is a Scientist, a doctor, he knows it all. He never falls sick. He is the strongest. I'm the useless one who's always doing the doctor rounds and on the receiving end of everyone's concerns. And now out of no where, we find out that the healthiest vegetarian and yoga practitioner on the planet has problems with his kidneys. But because this is role reversal where I act all composed and tell him it's all going to be fine sooner than we know except that I have no idea when it's gonna be all right. He is the one supposed to take care of us. That's how it works. I fall sick and he fusses over it and then I cry and amidst all of it, get a one way air ticket home sponsored by him. That's how its done. I've been the one to fuss over his clothes and choice of color in shirts and tie but not his HEALTH !!

Maybe it's true that having your parents fall sick is a sign of growing up and the sooner we accept it the better because they are growing old. But they weren't old when I last checked. I mean when I left for the boarding school some years back. They were young and healthy. Maybe I'm making this all too dramatic, but I was completely mortified as the thought of my parents growing old and one fine day leaving me forever hit me. I think I'm just paranoid. Maybe it is the stress or maybe the fear of something that I never ever let myself think about. He's gonna get well soon, of course. If you ended up reading this whole post, please say a prayer :) Thanks !

Just Slipped

2011-01-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

First post in the New Year and about WHAT! Friends have been blogging about New Year resolutions, but I can’t because I don’t have any. I know that this year as well life is going to be good because the life I have only goes in one direction ---- FORWARD and forward is always good! However, there is a little annoying accident/incident that I wanted to write about today considering I am asked to not move around for two days.

Okay so you know how people slip on the floor, stairs, or trip sometimes while playing football/cricket and sprain their ankles? I did not know until yesterday. For the first time in life and that too in the most uncool way possible, I sprained my ankle. I was on my way to work and was crossing the overhead bridge to enter the office building and there suddenly I slipped off the stairs and twisted my foot. Too embarrassed to care, I swiftly got up on my feet and limped towards the door. The pain disappeared in about 10 minutes only to come back and strike me during lunch. Rest was customary: crying, panicking, swearing and rushing to the doctor. Yea that’s right. I love my company for covering medical consultation and medicines. Was asked to rest for two days and not move around. I came back to work to pick up my stuff and leave. A couple of people inquired as to what happened and I was like “err…just slipped off the stairs, nothing much just a sprain.” I wait for the elevator and this is what happens. Elevator stops and I manage my two steps inside limping.

Person X who is already in it, “Hey, are you okay? What Happened?”

“Nothing much, have hurt my ankle. Slipped off some stairs…u know”

“Ah..yes I saw you in the morning, when you slipped”

Am wondering : WHAT !

“Take care, get well soon”

Elevator stops at the next floor and Person Y enters.

“Hey, are you hurt?”

“No, thanks I’m fine. Just a small…”

“Yea I saw you in the morning. U slipped on the stairs right? Ohhh…take care”

“THANKS” wondering what is this and why is the elevator stopping at every damn floor!

Level 2. Person Z.

By now, I stand straight, hiding all emotion that I could possibly be hurt anywhere. She gets in.

“Hey…” and before she could finish I sensed it. I am like…

“Hey...how are you? It almost seems like Friday today doesn’t it?” thinking when did I start lame-talking

“Haha…yea I wish we had a four day work week. Btw, is your foot okay? I saw you in the morning…”

“You too?”

“Sorry?”

“Nah…nothing, yea it’s okay… happens you know…I had twisted it during a long jump game in the Olympics once. It’s been delicate, ever since”

“Huh? Yea?”

“No shit”

Thinks whatever ! “Wow, anyhow take care and you can call it a Friday and not come in tomorrow. You should rest”

“Thanks, I will”

Finally Level 1 and I get out of the damn thing. OMG ! FML. What is this? Every single person in the building hates their job so much that all they do is look out of the window waiting for someone clumsy like me to fall off. How is it possible that so many people were staring outside just when I had to slip. And I had to meet all of them (or maybe there are more who I did not run into, thank god for saving some embarrassments) in the elevator within 3 minutes! And hey wait a sec, I didn't even know the two people out of three !

Waiting for a taxi. Person A is returning from a meeting.

“Hey what happened?”

“Hurt my foot. You see these stairs on the bridge, I slipped”

“Slipped through all of them?”

“No just two of them. Not heroic enough. I know”

“Haha…take care”

Screw you

Get into the cab.

“Yes miss, where to?”

“Melville Park”

“Miss are you hurt?”

“Shut up and Drive”

Forget it! I have a long weekend and none of the others do :P

Over and out.

A Friend Stands By

2010-12-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

When troubles come your soul to try
You Love the friend who just stands by.
Perhaps there's nothing she can do
The thing is strictly up to you.
For there are troubles all your own
And paths the soul must tread alone.
Times when love can't smooth the road
Nor friendship lift the heavy load.
But just to feel you have a friend
Who will stand by until the end.
Whose sympathy through all endures
Whose warm handclasp is always yours.
It helps somehow to pull you through
Although there's nothing she can do.
And so with fervent heart we cry
God Bless the friend who just stands by.


Anonymous
Whenever I read this poem, I thank god for that one person because of whom I can relate to this poem. I've had this one person in my life for whom I could write the exact same words proudly. She's the second best thing that's happened to me in my life (The best thing keeps changing every time I'm excited about something new) and today is her birthday. So, I'd like to dedicate this poem above to you darling and wish the coming year kicks the current years' ass big time in terms of fun !  If you have a friend who makes you relate to the poem above, go call/text/FB them NOW and tell them you're grateful and how how much it means to you :-) I just did ! Happy Birthday BFF :D

Life over Suicide

2010-12-07T01:39:00.000-08:00

A Chinese Internet firm called Tencent was asked by court to pay compensation to the family of a boy who committed suicide after agreeing to a suicide pact arranged online via Tencent's online messenger. The Internet company was apparently considered responsible for the suicide as the suicide pact was made using its messenger service. On the other hand, the company is shocked at the judgement because it is against its policies to monitor user messages. When people commit suicide, why must we look for someone to take responsibility of the act but not the victim himself? How reasonable is it to expect Internet companies to monitor chats with potentially harmful content as a step to prevent suicides? Issues like suicide need to be controlled but do measures like expecting Internet firms to monitor chat content make sense? Would there not be more suicides if sensitive content starts getting monitored online, is my question. We all have at one point or another discussed sensitive stuff over chat and even thinking of that data to be monitored sounds insane to me. This looks like one of the ways to cover the actual underlying cause of the act and just finding someone to blame so that the case at hand can be put to rest. The fundamentals of solving the issue need a revival.
An expression of true love or raw hatred, of purest faith or mortal sin, of courageous loyalty or selfish cowardice : The act of suicide has meant many things to many people through history. As weird as it may sound, there is a growing trend among young boys and girls who form a pact for a mass suicide and communicate through social networks or messenger clients. Suicide is an issue for society as a whole, the internet provides a window into the issues young people are dealing with. But instead of internet companies making an apology after group suicides, more emphasis should be laid on changing the mindset of the youth. The plans that are laid through messenger today can be put into action through phone tomorrow. This is never going to resolve the underlying cause. The underlying cause is the shortsightedness and lack of maturity within a certain age group that has no fear in letting go and thinks it to be brave to kill themselves. This section of people tend to think that suicide is an answer to the problem at hand. What's needed is for people around to be more open to teenagers and help them understand that the thinking of "they would be better off dead" is not what should be on their mind. Kids need to be taught to value life for all that there is in it to see and experience. This is where gratefulness comes in. A child who is from the beginning made aware and is taught to count his blessings as compared to the less fortunate ones is more likely to be positive in life than someone who lacks such upbringing. The act in itself is the result of an impulsive decision more often than not. Low threshold for pain and lack of tolerance often leads to suicides. We need to solve these issues which are the root causes.
Our education system has been responsible for suicides by adding to the performance pressure at schools. Instead of teaching kids how to nail an entrance exam, kids need to be taught how to nail the difficulties of life and move ahead positively. There will be hard times and they too shall pass. The lessons that are taught most early in life and when put to practice are hard to forget. I never make noise with my feet when I walk because a teacher once taught us to "walk like thieves." Parents, schools, siblings, government and nations have to all come together to combat this disease. Blaming a social network for not monitoring a suicidal group or levying a fine on a chat client is not going help. anyone desperate enough for Suicide should instead be desperate enough to go to the extremes to solve their problems. What needs to be etched on the minds is that whatever be the options, always choose life.

The Way Love Is

2010-11-25T23:28:00.000-08:00

I think I don't feel myself
I think I've lost myself
I think I feel like hell
I'm the girl you call a rebel
And I can't be what you'd like me to be

And I can't be nobody else
But If I could, for once, if I could...
Would you see through me then, would you love then
The way it's supposed to be and the way its said to be
The way love is, the way its said to be

Raise your head and look at me
Hold my face and stare at me
Do you see, my insides are blue
I'm trying to so hard, do you have a clue?
Bad days come and bad days go
And I am fine is all you know
But do you see, it's just not me
I can't be nobody else but me
But If I could, for once, if I could...
Would you see through me then, would you love then
The way it's supposed to be and the way its said to be
The way love is, the way it's said to be

And I see that light, its shining bright

And its like hope, that we'll be alright
Oh where's the light...oh oh oh
I think I don't feel myself
I think I've lost myself
I think I feel like hell
And I am ...I'm the girl you call a rebel
You call a rebel

P.S. : My shot at poetry/music or maybe none. Don't ask me what this means because it was written in just 7 minutes to be precise which was actually my coffee break. So no analysis went into this and no inspiration involved. :-)

Facebook Friends? Really?

2010-11-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

Something I was wondering right now with nothing to do and am sure 50% of people who read this post have also thought about the same atleast once. So what is with adding people on Facebook - people you have not spoken with in past 10 years and will not speak to in the next 10 years either except of-course, wishing them happy birthday each year via Facebook coz it asks you to wish them. If you check out the new "see friendship" button for such friends all you would see would be yearly birthday wishes on both their walls. I am Touched. There are various scenarios I've come across why people would add you on facebook but to me that defies all logic. This Girl A worked with you in your previous job, you see her on FB, mutual friends bla, and you add her....but hey, you do remember that your facebook friend request was more conversation than you ever had at work? And now you still think that you'll totally hit it off on facebook? Duh! Boy B was with you in college and yes, you did talk to him then casually and now voila, you spot him on the friend finder facebook. What do you do? Add him? Fair enough. He adds you back and you do absolutely nothing, you don't climb up their wall and say hello, no message, nothing. Except, that you do other stuff, like checking their relationship status and their photos and what they have been upto -- and done. You are now up to date with their life even without having to say hello (Wow sometimes I think facebook is magic) and their life has now become a part of what's a very relevant and fitting term the 'News Feed' on your home page. It's not even ridiculous. Its beyond that.

So I ran into an acquaintance from college the other day and it was nice catching up with her. While I asked her on what she's been up to she seemed to know more about my life than my mom would because she just knew 'what's on my mind' ! To my shock, I found out that she was on my facebook friend list and then I recalled how she had been a victim to the 'updating-youself-on-everyone's-life-via-FB' syndrome and had just added me for some 'news feed'. So I've tried this mean thing recently. When people who I for sure know are adding me just for the heck of it, I do one thing. I give them the benefit of doubt. So they made life miserable for me when we went to the university together, but hey, am sure they wanna know how I turned out, though you can't imagine the immensity of fuck that I do not give about how their life is shaping. I add them and then they have a week to say hello and talk to me.Because isn't that the point anyway? If in a week's time I don't hear from them, I have one friend less in my list. Simple. Frankly, this may sound insane to some but let me warn you against adding unwanted people to your friend list. Plus, how many times did our parents teach us about de-cluttering :P Use it somewhere !

Anyway, I guess I'm done for now with this as I just got my pizza delivery ! Okay, I don't eat junk, but its Sunday and its raining since morning. So this just is perfect ! Have a good Sunday people!

Try Trying

2010-10-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am not really the kinds to go an extra mile and that too early morning atleast for small pleasures/pains in life. On the contrary today, I literally ran some few meters for a small pleasure :P. Here is what happened. I am walking out of my building towards the bus stop plugging in ear phones when I see this lady looking towards the road and rushing as she saw the bus she had to catch almost about to reach the bus stop. There was no way she could reach the bus and catch this one for two reasons : 1) The red signal would soon go green, the bus would take 10 seconds to reach the stop, another 10 to fill people in, close the doors and move on. 2) Once they close door for the buses here in Singapore then even if you plead them to open it if you're a few seconds late and the bus had moved as much as an inch, the driver won't open it for you unless he's in a really jolly mood. So this lady, would take like a minute to reach the bus and would miss it. I still went ahead and asked her "You wanna get that one?" "Yes, I have to." I am still wondering why I sprinted towards the bus, crashing gates and reached the bus stop only to find the door closed and it was already on the move. Feeling like a loser, I still gave it a try and knocked the door almost with a puppy face. And to my surprise even though with a gumpy look, the bus driver uncle actually opened the door and waited for 10 more seconds for the aunty to catch up and get in. Cool isn't it ? She thanked me and I felt like thanking her. Until now, I would just assume that I can't catch a bus thats just 10 meters away while I could have most of the times. And I just assumed that if I did even run to catch it, I'd fail what's teh point running. There is always another bus in 10 minutes. There will always be another bus so this is not about the bus, not about how many times I am too lazy to catch the bus. Its about other things as well where assumptions are involved. Its about quitting even before trying. It's about assuming that you'd miss the bus. Its about thinking I am already late, what's another 10 minutes ! It's about all those things and more, if you know what I mean and just a pointless incident if you don't get the drift.

Have a good day everyone, and I'd say do run to catch that bus sometimes when you're thinking there's no way you can catch it. Run for a bus, for a game, for life....anything at least sometimes and you'll see its fun :-)

Once and For All...

2010-09-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

This post is about fulfilling a promise to myself. A promise that I made to myself to write about the subject of this post when the Nth person questions me on one particular topic. And today was it. "Why are you so obsessed about weight?" "What's with you and all the health food talk man?" Yes, I am concerned about my health and No, I am not obsessed as yet with it though I can't say it with confidence about the future. So here is the real deal. I am almost sick of explaining to friends and well wishers why I am so stuck up with food and all things related to health. Why I cannot miss workout for a party or sleepover at your place and binge on fries. Why I will not drink like a fish each Friday with you and wake up next morning like its no. Also, this will help me not go over the same thing when the next person asks me about it and I can just pass on this link.

So, I am prediabetic. My muscle, fat and liver cells are as resistant to insulin in my body as I am to people who do not get sarcasm. So you get the picture right? Now, yes 57 million people in the United States and a few more billions all over the world may be diabetic and it may be no big deal for YOU and that's fair enough. But, it is for me and that is the reason I choose to be obsessed with the kind of life I live. I mean, come on anyway I don't have the world's sharpest eyesight and to loose whatever vision I have just because I ignored a health issue would be insane. Not to mention all the other risks that stalk you once you're a signed sealed delivered diabetic - which again I am not (thank god for small mercies) !

This was not supposed to be a rant post. But then this is my blog and if I can make people laugh by funny posts here, I can totally go on about all the mess I deal with as well. I would call it a mess because it's like a vicious circle that I feel trapped in for over 2 years and look, its now that I am cribbing. Pat my back :D Being on medication for two whole years and getting addicted to it for the fear of all that will fall upon me when I quit it was painful. Then when my pancreas were almost begging me to quit them, I did. Now, it's like I've lost an alibi in a battle or a foosball game ;) so I feel overwhelmed with all the health changes. Even 500 grams of weight can't be ignored as a food baby or attributed to a gallon of juice that I drank. Everything needs such eye for detail, that I could totally lose my eyesight but gain so much foresight at the cost of it ;) Now, some people may call this obsessed but tell you what, call it whatever you may. I am the one living with this for a while now and I am ready to go bonkers to the power of infinity to make sure that I improve my situation, one step at a time.

Its frustrating and hopeless sometimes, but I could always try to hope that things would get better and here my friend, any of you cracking jokes out of the whole situation really won't help ! But incase, being supportive is not an option for you, then please excuse me next time when I hammer your head to the ground when you say something that offends me on this subject.

Over and Out !

Empty mind not a Devil's workshop !

2010-09-12T04:45:00.000-07:00

Whoever said that an empty mind is a devil's workshop must be totally misleading. On the contrary, when my mind was full of stuff like moving countries, settling down in the new place, people, job et all... I could not get creative beyond the point of decorating my milkshake with the hershey's syrup smiley ! Now that I had a long day with nothing to do and my mind was totally empty, I just thought of doing stuff that I used to do when I had real carefree days..oh so long back. I loved this T shirt that a friend gifted me for my birthday. Sadly with no experience in buying clothing for girls (yes really simple chap he is :P ) I ended up in an XL. Even though I loved it, I just could not wear it outside. Today I tried to give the Tshirt a new look and here is the result. I did not click a before makeover pic for it but found one that I clicked last year when it was new. So you can have a look :-) Lol - I know I its not something awesome, but just the fact that I have started thinking beyond my work and which ad will get how many clicks and conversions makes me so happy! :D Now really...small things do make me happy for a change :-) Hope you all had a great long weekend and did something that makes you happy !

BEFORE

AFTER

Updates Time - Chapter Singapura !

2010-08-23T20:29:00.000-07:00

It would only be a matter of time before Splurgerina would have written me an abusive email had I not chosen to update the blog like NOW ! Well, so here is an update on why I've been missing in action on the blog with my nice and not-so-sugar coated posts now and then ;) I've turned into an NRI you know :P Sounds so lame to me because since I moved to Singapore, I've just been feeling like I am here for some rotation program (the ones you have in Google where you go and work from another city/country and come back). The realisation has not really struck me that I have maybe relocated to this place for a long time. Once it does, maybe you'll be reading a sob story on my blog about how much I miss Delhi and India! Until then let me talk about how much I'm loving the super organized city of Singapore. I am so accident prone and therefore I completely love how safe pedestrians feel here. You can cross the road safely with no fear of a Blue line bus coming to gulp you down or a biker rowing you down. It rains here whenever you wish :P Yes ! You could even look outside your window and see that its sunny and still raining, not sunny and raining, not sunny and windy, sunny and windy ! Those are the weather combinations maybe to suit all moods. I do have some funny stories to tell about me not being able to distinguish between shrimp and potato chips and having bought ones made of shrimp only to realize the horror later on ! Or the Haldirams bhujiya pangs that I had and would have almost sung the national anthem out loud overwhelmed with emotions when I found a pack of haldirams at 'Little India' ! Yes, thats how touched I was and thats how Indian I am :P Can't let go of the essentials like Haldirams snacks and Amul Butter !

I saw the beaches and I played Tennis for hours. Made pancakes for breakfast and took random train rides. I've been shocked at the prices and suprised at the discipline. Life is fast and people hard working true to their national anthem 'Let us progress towards happiness together, let us all unite in a new spirit. Together we proclaim onwards Singapore.' That's the update for now. Overall - Life's good ! Here are a few pictures that I clicked and loved for your eyes only :P Later ! Be good :)

I was Tagged - 10 Things that Piss me Off :|

2010-07-03T03:15:00.000-07:00

Splurgerina tagged me along with the Sunshine award :D to write about 10 things that piss me off ! Now that's a trick tag for me. One, because I am usually stuck up about a couple of things and not 10 - or so I think. So if I end up producing ten things that piss me off, its going to shatter my self-myth of being non fussy and 'cooool with stuff' :P . Two, I hope that the readers don't get pissed off after reading the ten things that piss me off. At the risk of being judged here I go, anyway !

1. Even an Iota of Hypocrisy
Now, I am not the most polite of adorable person you may meet. One reason behind this will also be that I hate being a hypocrite to afford an adorable public image. I think giving up who you are is a huge price to pay for any kind of reputation that you want for yourself. I get pissed off when I see people setting different standards for judging themselves and totally new ones for judging others.

2. Girls who take pride in not being able to cook
Me : Oh I made aaloo parathas yesterday. It was fun, everyone loved them :)
She : Wow, you can make parathas...cool man. Shit I cant even make a single chapati on my own. The only things I can manage to barely cook is maggieeee *beams with pride* Shit ya...how do girls learn to cook...I just can't cook ! *still beaming with pride*
My take on this - First, please know that cooking is an art and if you can't then you are not gifted ! Sadly yes. Second, its OKAY if you can't cook but taking pride in it and sounding like you are some princess??? Are you kidding me - are you for real woman? Gosh, it just pisses me off so much that I can barely smile at it and alas, my constipated smile is directed to her which she almost gets and shuts up about the topic.

3. Cribbing
No matter who it is, including myself it pisses me off when I myself or others around me go about cribbing about things in their lives and blaming things and people around for their condition. I tried to change this in myself when I understood that there is an expiry date to blaming or parents, your friends, your manager to what happens to you in life. We all need to take hold of your own lives and drive it the way we want to. I pisses me off when I see people cribbing at work and not doing anything to change the situation. It pisses me off when people crib about relationship issues and refuse to give in or accommodate to make things better for themselves. If you want a change, be that change. Please don't crib in front of me if you're not ready to to take an advice and do something to change your situation. It just puts me off !

4. Men who occupy ladies seat in public transport and act 'oh-so-nonchalant'
I have actually asked a man in a bus once "Aunty what's the time?" And he replied angrily "Do I look like an aunty to you?" I then had to clarify that if he is sitting on a ladies seat when I along with women thrice my age are having a hard time standing in the same bus then I expect him to either be a highly illiterate and manner less jerk or a woman who has a right to that seat ! Come on, how hard is it to get up and give you seat on a 20 minute drive to a woman your mom's age. I am okay if you don't get up for me, I don't need it but use some discretion. There is a reason why there are ladies seats. Bottom line - can't use your own brains? Read the signals and follow accordingly.

5. Social butterflies
Oh I can go on about this one thing that can piss me off so bad that I can pull my hair out. You meet an old college/school friend from one of those hi-fi boarding schools and these girls by now have turned into a chalta firta social network themselves and ultimate social butterflies. You meet them and say hello, nice to see your after so long and there they start about how awesome it is to see you *kisses hugs* (even if you were mere acquaintances earlier), how nice/bad you look, comment on the choice of your bag, condition of your hair skin, show off their diamond ring/boyfriend/bag/job et all and then lets catch up over drinks this Sunday, promise to call you that night when they sometimes don't even ask for your number. Worse is if you meet one of these in a club or a coffee shop because then people, you will have to sit with them for another 30 mins to listen to how flashy and rocking their life is ! Sigh, I'm already dehydrated thinking about my last experience in Delhi with one such so called friend.

6. Stinking creatures - men - women - dogs - just anyone !
I pride myself on smelling good all the time !! Oh yea, come up with some sleazy joke, like I care :D but one thing that's such a big turn off is people who stink ! It's okay if you're not a huge perfume fan. all you need to do to not stink and make other people choke is to maintain some basic hygiene. Its not hard believe me. You just need to make it a habit - like bathing daily/twice a day. Its as simple a thing as putting the toilet seat down after using it. Also if your shoes and socks smell, remove them a kilometer away from me.

7. Unorganized lifestyle
A few of you can call me a freak for this and its not new for me. If you ever watched the series "FRIENDS" and like monica for who she is , you'll love me :D I am obsessed with organizing and planning and anyone who falters when they are with me or things go wrong while I am at it because of someone else, I get really really pissed off. As much as you can see the vein in my head as well :D :D I like things to be replaced from where they were picked, I would hate you if you sit on my bed with dirty feet and leave a mess on it. I remember visiting a friend after 3 years and saw that her room was a mess. As we spoke and caught up, I actually had ended up changing her bedsheets, pillow cases, organizing her filed, adding post its, labelling files and all that. By the time I was done, she stared at me as if I were from another planet. :( :( Yes, maybe its my disease !

8. Wet Bathroom Floors/commode
I cannot cannot cannot step into a bathroom that's wet. It pisses me off to see if someone leaves the commode or the floor wet. I don't think I need to explain this any further ! Commode and bathroom etiquette - very important.

9. People with a bad sense of humor
Not everyone is blessed and gifted and it's okay to not have wise cracks all the time with you. But nothing can piss me off more than being obliged to laugh at stupid jokes and say "hehehe" or "lol" during an online chat just for the heck of it !

10. Men who can't respect women
If you fall in this category, never get into an argument about this with me because I have a history of causing mass slaughter in women empowerment discussions :P Men can't survive without women and it just amazes me when some of them can't respect women for the life in them. Not that they have a good reason to disrespect anyway, maybe its "cooool" in some section of the society where these crooks come from. Chivalry and respect for women makes any man stand apart in a crowd is is a virtue to have. That's something that a vast majority in world population does not understand. Thick heads!

Phew ! So Splury, here goes my tag. I am done confessing 10 things that piss me off. I still have one more thing to add though : Men who are over mushy with their girlfriends in public :P :P

Hope you had fun reading this. Think otherwise about any of the above? don't expect me to agree with you :P there is little chance that I may, but it would be great to read what you think ! Happy weekend people.

Strictly Chic - Waistcoats !

2010-06-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Now inspired by none other than..errr... my small budget to shop these days I have been thinking of great ways to look different with the same accessory or a piece of outfit each time I wear it. One thing that I was longing to buy since long was a black waistcoat which I finally found at Mango. While I was in Delhi, there was no way I could reach the Mango store each time they had a sale at South extension all the way running from North Campus before the ladies from south itself grabbed all the nice stuff :| . I almost thought each time that next time, I will start 4am in the morning on the first day of sale to be able to find lovely stuff :P But who cared, ofcourse I needed my 14 hours of beauty sleep and there goes the dress-me-up dream in the bin. Nothing beats a 14 hour long sleep at times ! However ladies, now that Ive found THE one ;) I would like to share some looks that I think look really cool with waiscoats. Okay, I'm no Fashion guru here, could be though coz if you don't know this then let me scream from the rooftop that I scored the all India 77 rank for a Masters in Fashion Management at NIFT in 2007 and DID NOT join the course and chose Google over NIFT !! Okay, do't ask me if I regret it because I don't know the answer any more than you do. Anyway, so here are some cool ways I found to wear waiscoats and here is why I like it :

1) Over a Tank Top. Over Pants/Jeans

Sasta, sundar and tikaooo :D I mean just look at this. How hard is it to get this look? You don't even need a fancy tank top. A straight from Sarojini nagar market fifty rupee tank top would do :D

2) With a Dress/skirt
Yes the pic on the right is a copyright pic :-) Please do not copy ! Dip, I am just assuming that you don't mind :D But just look at it, I just love the versatility ! don't you?

3) The Hippie/Vintage Look
I am a huge tunics fan and look at this look. It can make your boring old tunics come alive !

4) The cute girl look
For those of you who love layers just as much as me would love this look. Its cool, sporty, cute all at the same time and if you're not in an insanely cold place in December like Delhi then try this outfit with a woolen waistcoat !

5) As a top by itself with wide legged pants or relaxed low rider jeans
Though only if you're as fit as victoria Beckham :D No, I'm just kidding, though I personally feel this would suit someone leaner or skinny and petite.

5) Finally, do the Carrie Bradshaw look :D :D !
You cannot help but fall in love with anything that this woman wears. And I just love the waistcoat with stiff cotton or party shirts. They are like...made for each other ! check this pic and U'd know what I'm talking of. Just make sure that if you're planning to wear your waisecoat with a shirt, then it isn't a short one!

Yep, so this is it people. Had a tiring day at work and writing this post really helped me unwind. So great coz even if it did not help any of you, it sure helped me :D :D

Good night <3

It's been a year -- Wow !

2010-05-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Its our 1 year anniversary *blushes* :D

Me and this city of Nizams. Hyderabad. I arrived here last year same day to make a new beginning with eyes full of dreams, one suitcase in hand, getting down at the railway station I knew I would make it big here...Oh hello, So Filmy tch tch...None of that happened :D Yes, I did come all excited because I was getting a chance to work with orkut and so many other products that I'd just heard of until then, and in no possible scenario will you find me out of any city in the world with just one suitcase. One suitcase would barely fit, let me think... yea, a percentage of my stuff (prefer not to define it here). As goes for all luxuries at Google, I got to fly kingfisher and was received by a Telugu speaking driver at the airport who carried a board for SWATHI ! Welcome to Hyderabad, I thought. A little too soon, but they made sure that I feel welcomed and a part of them, even if it required changing my name from Swati to Swathi. Alright, whatever makes them happy !

I loved the guest house where I stayed and even more the ever loving staff at the guest house. Looking at me opening and closing the lid for various dishes for days and weeks and months (yes I stayed for a few months :P errr... 6 to be precise) and ending up having Bournvita for dinner, it was obvious that they were concerned. However, I had no idea that this concern would manifest itself into the chef trying out various sandwiches with an exclusive north indian flavor as he called it leading me stay more in the washroom than my room and taking a day off from work. It was rather funny that whenever any of the staff saw me loitering on the premises, I was asked if I wanted something to eat. To add to it, I was hungry one Saturday night and felt free to go to the kitchen and pick up a fruit or two to eat. While I tiptoed into the kitchen ( why would I do that !!), bang opens and door and there he was, one favorite bhaiya of mine asking me "madam, do you want milkshake?" I almost froze in shock and that was the hardest I ever had to try to be polite and utter those two words...(nah not what you're thinking) "No, Thanks." Ah...that said, I still love the staff at the guest house because I know that they tried the best to make me feel comfortable and I know they won't be reading this blog but I still want to thank them here. It was fun, those 6 months of lavish living. No wonder, I feel that the year passed in a blink of an eye because half they year, I was a visitor being pampered from all ends including at work or maybe not so much by everyone. Only Jayadev and Ruchi would know what I mean here :D

I don't know what it is that I really like about this city. Maybe, its the idea of having a relief from an over active social life that I had in Delhi or something that I cannot define. I transferred to Hyderabad in November for good and here I am not regretting it, mostly... :P I hated house hunting, but love my place now. I'm still not settled here and for would not like an option either. Yet, its not that I don't like the place. I do, sometimes and maybe not at others. Its been a different experience all together. I mean you know, having a domestic help who only understands and talks in the local language and no matter how I explain to her that she needs to come over by 7am, she seems/pretends to not understand. Then there were days when I wanted to eat Sooji Halwa and the word Sooji did not seem to exist in the Grocery Store's vocabulary. Talking to the neighbors and the Google chef, I figured they called it 'Rawa' here. Yes, so I went ahead and bought a lot of Rawa. I am still looking for 'anardaana.' :D If anyone knows what its called in Hyderabad, please let me know and I will be grateful for life.

I can go on talking about all the funny and the not so funny incidents that happened with me here that made life 'happening' for me. But more on that sometime later because I assume you so have some REAL work in life than reading my anecdotes. I'm just happy that I got to experience a different place, culture and people. This post is just meant to be a dedication to one year well spent from a thankful me :)

Later !

I Write...

2010-05-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I write …

For me

My thoughts, my words

On my space I like to describe

For you

Some humor, some whiplash

My opinion, open to yours

No flowery words, no desire to please

I write that I feel befits the need

Of my mind, my heart

My thoughts and my belief

Yes I write

Of stars naught nor moonlit nights,

No kisses and embrace or armored knights

And so I write

Of you, of me, of us

Of love, of life, and struggles and grit

A tale of life as is.

I write …

Happy Birthday - My favorite person !

2010-05-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

Today his AwSMness (stupidness) turns 24 ! Yes 24 only on paper, meet him and tell me if he passes for more than 4 :-/

Anyhooooo, so as I was already broke due to various reasons including expensive salons in Hyderabad being an one, the girl in me , umm...the girl in me that values emotional bond over material ones (uhhu uhhu) woke up and I decided to gift him a book -- The Outliers and be creative enough to throw in a video as well ! Right, so you know even though I am a material girl living in a very much material world, I din't really let me being broke be a spoiler here :P

A very Happy birthday to my favorite person :-) The only one who cracks me up second to only a few :P and beats everyone hands down when it comes to making me pull my hair out. Here is the video I made for him today evening and was too excited to post it here on my blog ! Check it out peeps and my attempt at rhyming as well -- (If you do not appreciate it, atleast gimme the credit for coming up with these lines in flat 10 mins)

On your birthday let me give you some love,
that helps you through days with no stars above

On your birthday let you give you some hope
that makes you strong and with everything you can cope

On your birthday let me give u a hug
that keeps you warm and keeps you snug

On your birthday let me give you a promise
that I'll be your BFF who you take with you to New york & Paris ;)

So tell now What do you want from me?
What MORE do you want from me :D :D

Ami : A very Happy birthday, have a lovely year ahead. Hope all your dreams come true :-)
Love !! Hugs !! Abuses !! In hindi :P Whats a birthday without them :D

Of love, life, dreams and more !

2010-05-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

NYC looks beautiful in the spring. It is paradise in spring when the city awakens from its winter hibernation. Its a season to explore New York as only the New yorkers know it. And for her spring brought back a lot of happy memories and memories of Spring in India. Looking outside the window of her new apartment overlooking the Hudson river, and stirring her coffee she smiled as she looked at the keys in her hand. Closing the apartment deal was a milestone in her life. Owning her own apartment in New York was the dream with which she had set out for the big city. This city had given her so much, wings to her dreams and a confidence in herself which she had almost lost at one point in life. She sat down in front of the dressing table that she got custom made from teak wood and stared at her reflection in the mirror. This was no stranger in the mirror yet it looked like one. And this stranger had all that had been her dream -- the name, the power and the satisfaction which she had every night when she fell asleep with a heart big enough to hold no grudges.

She had moved to New York 11 years back. It was her teenage dream to go and live in New York. Live life, indulge and make the most of everything. As most people would grow up and realize that some dreams are meant to be dreams forever and to be laughed at, she did not believe in this. She wanted to do something different, a non conformist, independent girl who was only 25 knew she wanted more out of life than just a regular pay check and shopping every sunday at the local malls and have coffee at StarBucks. All she wanted was more, a lot more than she had before. And here she is today with all that she ever wanted, living upto the image that she always had for herself, with her head held high. But this success had not come easy, to say the least.

She always new she wanted to be rich and famous. She wanted success and the power to make things happen and that's exactly what she did when taking hold of her life. She sacrificed a personal life, a life where one could drink, dance and make merry and took each step carefully and moved closer to her goal. There was an overachiever in her, through and through. And there were boys and there were friends. There was a special one. The only one she could even imagine having a decent intellectual conversation with. One who was so ambitious himself that the two could make the world go around. It was she who called it quits when moving to New York. His last words were still as fresh in her ears as they were 11 years back. "You'll come back as a failure and soon. Its only a matter of time. You're nothing but a below average girl with above average ambitions. If you loved me, you'd never let what we have fall apart." That was the last time she heard his voice.

Love -- they say is a complex thing. His goodbye words were brimming with no love, and neither was their relationship. She did not consider it a relationship where there was no mutual respect for each other's dreams. Was she not allowed to dream big just because she was a woman or would it be appropriate for her to align her dreams to fit his and his life. She did not like banking and loved fashion. And just like she was expected to understand him, so was he. But he did not. And she without any dramatization moved on with whatever little confidence that he did not rip apart from her that evening. She never wanted a conceding love like that. In her opinion, that the best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what she wanted form him. That's what she hoped to give to him forever. She loved herself more than anyone else and respected her life, her ambitions and her heart. Nothing in the world could stop her from her pursuit of happiness no matter how long and hurtful the path to that was. This was nice years and back, and rest is history. To cut a long story short, today she has everything she ever dreamed about and one thing that was not on her list. Two adopted daughters who she is crazy about. The song "Greatest Love of All," written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed played on her ipod as she shut the apartment door and walked towards her car... "I found the greatest love of all/Inside of me/ ... Learning to love yourself/It is the greatest love of all."

It was a good day. It was a milestone in her life and she had no regrets. Every bit of this was worth everything and everyone she gave up. She was happy, successful and a mother of two. Who said happiness only lay in a life where you had a man to cuddle upto when the sun don't shine. She was her own savior and her own strength. She loved her life and was thankful to god that she took the road less traveled by. She has hitched her own wagon to a star. She smiled to herself as she drove fast to pick up her dearies from school. Today was a big day and they were celebrating it together at the Victorian Gardens amusement park.

P.S : My first fiction on the blog :D

My life : A multiple Choice Questionnaire

2010-04-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

A wise man once said : 'It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny' and I couldn't agree more. This is why the choices we make in life become inevitably important in shaping our lives. This applies to all things, simple and complicated. Now I don't really wish to categorize weight management as 'simple' but for the sake and ease of example, sometimes it's hard to make a choice at the breakfast or lunch table - whether to stuff my plate with those pancakes with maple syrup and the chole bhature or stick to wheat flakes and papaya :| More often than not, I end up making the wrong choice and NOT unknowingly. Yes, that's the sad hidden meaning behind this example - a new dimension to the choices we make in life - we sometimes make a choice knowing somewhere deep down that it is not the right one. Oh, I am suddenly craving for those desserts and Dilli ke chote bhature.

Now moving on to other just as important things, there are choices to be made in our career, personal life, relationships, name it and we have to choose between it and something else. For some people, this process is far from a pain. There are those who have a choice between A and B which makes their lives easy, and others who do not have choices to make but things just fall in place for them and whatever turn their life takes, it makes them happy (this is the category which makes me jealous sometimes :D). But for a lesser mortal like me, I have had to make tough choices all my life, and though I am happy with the multiple choice questionnaire that my life is, more often than not it leaves me with the ever lasting question at the end of a choice made which is -- what if... ? There are times when its like I am being offered a trip to Hawai or some place just as exotic and if I pick one, and it works out well, I end up wondering what if I had picked up the other exotic adventure. Similarly, if it does now work out well, I am left cursing myself and my choosing abilities and even question my own sanity sometimes.

I have had to choose between leaving the comfort of my home and moving to the capital on India at the age of 16. I have had to choose between various career interests, between an MBA in Fashion from a premier institute and working for the dream company Google. Then again, I had to choose between living with my best friend and travelling for 3.5 hours each day to work, being crazy in love or being practical about it. Moving on, I had options to risk a lot at work to satisfy my curious self and put a lot at stake to join different teams to learn as much as I can. Finally, there was a choice between Gurgaon or Hyderabad. After heavy deliberation and mental torture, I chose Hyderabad. This is not as simple as this sounds, all these events give me sleepless nights calculating the pros and cons of the whole situation. Currently, I am in the middle of making another big choice which is what prompted me to write this lengthy post. Where else would I go and express myself full of nuances if not here. I have made these choices and not all of them were right, neither were all of them wrong. Sometimes, I feel lucky that I am being offered so many choices in life, that so many others are not. While at another point I get all flustered by them and crave for a life that is all in place for me.

I don't know if I love this power to live my life making decisions all on my own. I don't know either if I could live like one of those people for whom others make their choices in life. Maybe it is just that sometimes, I forget that a man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have everything. A choice is all that is left with him. I am in the middle of growing up and into myself and learning that the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. And maybe it is being responsible for my choices is what makes me feel like I am walking on a tightrope because I would hate myself if the choice is wrong. There is a saying by Richard Bach, "Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives," I just hope I make more right choices than wrong so I can fondly remember them for the rest of my life and not regret them over and over again cursing myself. However, the more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are all facing choices that define us. And in this case, we have no choice :)

And finally, if you would like to give me any of the following words of wisdom :

A) "Hey, don't take life so seriously, take it easy" ( I am thinking, ofcourse I will take my life seriously!! Yours maybe a joke, mine isnt :P)

B) "Life isn't perfect, don't expect perfection. Everyone makes mistakes" ( I am thinking, only if you chase perfection do you end up catching excellence)

All I can say, don't bother - I am just too stuck up :( Bless you all with your life choices !

Dhoni and the Freudian slip

2010-04-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

Now we all love to laugh, don't we? Give me a chance and I will be rolling on the floor laughing at anything about you be it your earth shattering dressing sense or a slip of tongue. Try poking fun at me, let alone be slightly sarcastic, and boy will you get the Lily's 'you're dead for me' look from me. Now to cut the prologue, yes, maybe Dhoni does not know the difference between a traffic signal and a 'red light area'. And maybe he knows it and just sucks when it comes to expression. But really, looking at a Facebook page or my Twitter home page where the same joke is being beaten to death is not something that would make me laugh. Really people, where is all the sense of humor in the world !! Stop re-tweeting the same thing and reading it and laughing at it for the nth time. We all got the joke, sophisticated as it was and now get a life. Let's just learn to differentiate between people when we mock at them. No offense but we just started treating him like a certain female we used to treat when she came up with her show 'R ka Swayamvar' or who am I kidding, even before that. But this is Mahi, our Dhoni with the midas touch for indian team-- cut the guy some slack peeps !!

Aside, for all those of you who call it a 'red light,' I don't need to ask you to start calling it a 'traffic signal' going forward. Better be safe than sorry ;)

India - Grow up

2010-04-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer : If you think Feminism is a disease you can stop reading now and hit the back button.

Oh wow, you're still reading. It's important to put a disclaimer up there even if the post I am about to write is not a reflection on my feminism but a reflection of the shallow society we live in, because just like beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, so do opinions. Tagging this post with the F word -- Feminism !

I was watching the IPL the other day and suddenly I see something outrageous on the screen. A mobile company's ad 'To talk to the cheerleaders dial XXXXX.' Remind me again, what is the role of cheerleaders in IPL. Is it just me or did that ad really intend something else. Just when I was done thinking about this, I read something about a remark made by Shahid Afridi, 'skimpily dressed cheerleaders are distracting the batsmen.' Afridi went on to say that cricket does not need cheerleders as cricket is an entertainment itself. Next Rahul dravid was found saying that IPL cricket should be called bikini cricket because of the cheerleaders present in IPL. Ha ha ! Funny Rahul? Not so much. The moral brigade was not far behind and opened their own bible about India - the culture and all that jazz. The cheerleaders who have performed all over the world feel threatened by the nature and magnitude of the comments people pass here. A cheerleader from Uzbekistan told a national newspaper, “Wherever we go, we do expect people to pass lewd remarks, but I’m shocked by the nature and magnitude of the comments people pass here. Be it a 70 year old man or a 15 year old boy, they all ogle us and make amorous advances. I feel very threatened. We are here to entertain them, to add a bit of glamour to the game, but we are living in constant fear.”

Its high time that we accept that we live in an age where there is no dearth of sources of vulgar content for anyone who may want to watch it. What I don't get is why create a controversy about women every now and then. And India better take a stand on modernity or conservatism - and mind you, there is no fine line here. It is a thick black, dark line very visible from either side. So choose one side and stick to it. Lets not be hypocrites where on the one had send our women to win world beauty pageants and watch them walk bikini clad on world television while on the other hand, pick up some cheerleaders or a not so famous actress from Bollywood and pour moral gyan all over the place about how their professions are demeaning. Just because a woman is not fully clothed does not mean that she is a woman with no morals. But, looks like its one of those things that India would never understand. Because this is one country that tops the 'World's ten most hypocritic countries' list and it would be against the indian pride to step down to number 2, I am sure.

What is the Answer?

2010-03-09T22:45:00.000-08:00

A friend's blog is called 'Love is the Answer.' I was in no mind to write anything about this statement or belief whatever you call it, but as I scrolled up to the Title after reading one of her posts, the four words rung in my head. And the next thing I was thinking was -- Really? okay, don't be surprised. I know if I walk into a group of people and ask for a show of hands -- how many people here think 'Love is the answer', I am sure 80% would happily raise their hands. But that's not the point. Because I don't even want to get started about how half of those 80% are just saying it because it sounds good and a minor 10% do not care. Yet, there will be a small percentage who does believe in the statement and why not -- I mean I am happy for you :). For me to think that love in the answer you need to rephrase the question and I'll give it a thought.

Also, don't questions change as times passes? How can answers be constant. Is someone reading this is going to say that whatever the question in life, Love IS the answer. Okay, so we need another post for that my friend. I feel love is highly over rated. The amount of importance it is being given without a thought, baffles me at times. Love is a part of life. It is not life itself. There is no love without life. Oh come on, don't tell me your comeback is - There is no life without love :D :D Anyway, to all the romantics reading my post - apologies. If love is the answer for you, you're lucky to have a constant question in your life and if that pleases you - amen! Hope its remains so forever and ever. Now, to anyone who thinks like I do, man again ! Don't you think there is so much more in life? Think about it, for me the answer changes several times a day depending on my mood. Not the trivial answers like food, shower, chocolate and cheese but more important ones like success, power, a job I love and philanthropy. I know love is a part of all this somewhere but not the answer for me. I feel like Robert Frost right now and I'm loving it.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

P.S. This post has not been written in a bad mood. I am actually in a very good mood right now.

P.S.S This post is not a classic case of sour grapes because I do have a few people in my life who love me immensely! Thank god for them :)

Fad Extended !

2010-01-29T10:44:00.000-08:00

In biochemistry, flavin adenine dinucleotide (FAD) is a redox cofactor involved in several important reactions in metabolism :D :D Well, yes you have landed on the right blog and no this isnt a post on Biochemistry. The latest FAD that I am going to write about is a practice or interest followed for a time with exaggerated zeal -- Social Networking ! Come to think of it, the biochemistry definition about it being involved in several important reactions in metabolism is kinda true ;) I mean, come on, don;t we all eat, breathe and live on Social Networking websites? Yes, no one except my post is staring at you now -- come on accept it. Yes, we do. We may wonder why, or say no, we just do it now and then, but then we all do that.

I had friends over tonight and we discussed how the idea of social networking has changed since we created our orkut accounts 5 years ago (yea, we were the tech savvy socialites at 17). orkut just celebrated its 6th birthday daybefore. Appy burrday to you...we'll sing a song towards the end of the post. But the point here is, how the Fad began from orkut which by the way still beats facebook in the number of userbase and according to relevant data rules the non metropolitan cities in India and entire Brazil. orkut gave social networking the importance that it never had. It was a new concept and in turn had its loop holes in the name of privacy issues. And ofcourse in a country like India, where peeping into your neighbour's bedroom is very cultured and gossiping about live in relationships ordinary, people take huge offense to a stranger being able to view their photos or read their scraps. This lack of privacy gave way to the super confusing at first and highly addictive later -- facebook. And like they say, someone's loss is someone's gain, orkut fell flat in popularity as facebook took it over in Youngistaan. People were still getting used to the old facebook interface when a warning message sort of a thing that looked like a court summon appeared on all our home pages announcing the sudden demise of the old interface which gave way to the new one which was the most detested thing on the internet for the first few weeks. Then again, who cares after a while, you have to get used to it right. You don't really have a choice. I mean, not telling the world 'What's on my mind' this hour would be like mercenary ! So, being subjected to so much mental trauma, I personally updated myself with the new FB like we call it.

Amidst all of this, Twitter was born. It was a sort of poor man's email system - 140 characters at a time. Short and sweet, saves your time and mine. Because, we really have REAL jobs at the end of the day. But then, as Eric Schmidt says 'Twitter’s success is wonderful and it shows you that there are many, many ways to communicate.' So far, Twitter for me was like hanging out in the speakers' lounge. Meaningless chatter from smart people. But then soon it also became the worlds window to hope and an agent of change. I have to give that to Twitter for gaining a positive review for doing something substantial. Maybe their policy about less is more paid off. But whatever worked, the qualities that make Twitter seem inane and half-baked are what makes it so powerful.

By now, I talked about three social networking mediums that are involved in several important reactions in my metabolism. But then what about MySpace? It was huge ! And now im hearing about Yahoo launched a Twitter Clone named Yahoo Meme. Another Twitter prototype, FourSquare is relying more on Local reach as a USP. Check them out if you have time, and don't have a boss watching your back during work hours ;) I heard that Google did not invest in saving orkut as they knew that no one social networking site can dominate the market. It is a Fad, a religion amongst the youth but then one particular website would never be able to keep the limelight for long. Maybe that's why what Google threw in created a wave - yes its called Google Wave. I would call it the coolest ever real time communication medium. Its invite only for now. Need an invite? Mail me !

So people, this was my update on what goes into my metabolism :D Frankly, kinda intimidated by the number of networking sites coming up and why not -- its performance pressure, its not that I can ignore one and be on the other right ;) ? So chin up you all, and this is just the beginning, the fad has been extended and is here, it is present and it is ready to explode.

Virtuality and the stupidity of it all...

2010-01-26T01:14:00.001-08:00

It kinda sucks when people in the virtual world have an impact on my life -- okay I am good at using huge words -- not an IMPACT but you know even if they steal away my thoughts for say 30 mins in a day, I feel offended ! I know, maybe silly, but what the hell ! These are people I have not met, people I don't know in real life. These are people who exist for me as just a Facebook URL. And when they behave unpredictably, I get irritated not because they did, coz half of them are bound to be wired weirdly, so cant really blame them for it-- but I get annoyed at myself for giving them worth 30 mins of my attention and that is not when they did something spectacular to make me smile, but something stupid to make me go like ' Are you kiddin me you nutcase?' Geez.... Really if there is a resolution I need on the 26th day of January is to gather my thoughts for my sake. I don't really wanna piss off the most awesome person I know -- yep, that would be me !

So here is the plan and I crap you not -- So if you're someone who I have not met and are planning a creepy insane act, go ahead, just do it because its only then that you'll turn into a PROJECT for me, which I have to complete successfully, or a Gym sit ups session that I have to conquer and then my creepy little fella, it would be because of You that I would get to reward myself because not only did I turn you into a thing, but more so because I did not waste my precious time in which I could have watched a How I met you mother episode thinking about your freaky stupidity !

A breed of its own

2010-01-23T22:06:00.000-08:00

I’ve decided to just throw up something on my mind. Why in the hell do people hear something and then spread it as gospel? I’m not just talking idle gossip, such as celebrities and things, but like really important facts that one needs to know in life. If someone down the street tells you that a new law has been passed that allows you to drive without license, would you do it? That’s just an example, not a true story, but catch my drift? I actually know people who would drive without a driving license; then of course blame the guy on the street when they got cited by the police. You see them at work, you meet them at the bar, you meet them in the airplane(yes!). They are just everywhere happily being at their stupidest best ! Stupid people amaze me.

And also, have you ever noticed on a blog comment thread how people willl outright attack one another for having different opionions? It’s like some people can only feel intelligent if they are putting someone else down. Or comment on spelling errors..that one really gets me. Sure, if a post is littered with mistakes that’s one thing, but gee whiz, common typing errors, give me a break. Have you ever noticed how some people must look through a thesaurus when posting. Sometimes I have to open up a new window and look up the words. But foremost just have a different opinion, and the war of the words begin, and in CAPTIAL LETTERS. That’s so you can try to intimidate the other party. Or maybe just to let them know that you are really angry. Anyway, Stupid people just amaze me…

What are YOU waiting for?

2010-01-17T07:31:00.000-08:00

The question ‘What are you waiting for?’ is one question to which most people are expected to have an answer at any point in their day/year/ lives. Give this a thought – When we were kids, we waited for school to get over so we could go and play with our friends ( cricket or volleyball for boys and maybe ghar ghar for girls ;) ). While we were growing up, we waited for summer vacations to come and when they got over, for the winter breaks. We waited for mid-term exams to get over and then waited for a new session to start which gave us a chance to get new books, new book covers, labels and all those fancy things. Irrespective of our choice, our parents made the Class X exams a major event in our lives, and so we waited for those to come and then the results to either sink in or celebrations to end depending on what we got. As if this was not it, we waited for the same horrible over rated experience once again after two years so that we could finally get to the world about which we had heard from your elder cousins and everyone around us. The fantabulous world of college life. The phase that everyone was nostalgic about even in their 50’s. Yes, so we made it to college and yes, it was exciting and fun. But the three/four college years flew by on phone and coffee shops and movie theatres and there we were waiting yet again for the ‘What Next’ moment of our lives. Some of us were waiting for campus placements and others for the national hobby’s results – oh the national hobby – CAT ! By the time our fates were decided, we were left to either wait for promotions or for great campus summer internships. And the list goes on…Well I just got done with the waiting for the promotion mode two months back. And yet, I am not done, I am waiting for a million other things to happen. But the point is, if my life has just passed by revolving around one milestone to another then why won’t I look at old pictures and wonder that time flew by at the blink of an eye. When did I take out time to enjoy the moment or live like I don’t have a train to catch. Do I need an answer to ‘Hey, didn’t the year 2009 pass so quickly?’ Ofcourse it did ! Not because it had 6 months instead of 12 but because I did not treat it like a year but like 4 quarters of the years where I had to perform better each quarter to get the promotion I wanted in November.

I am sure I would soon queue up to wait for an entry to an elite Business school and then to a well paid job. Soon after it would be a wait to get hitched and then to adopt a kid (in my case). And once there is a kid, oh lord, another 20 years of waiting to see her wait for the rest of her life.

Are you one of those who feel like each year passes too quickly? Are you one of those who don’t know how time runs out leaving you shocked? Are you one of those who are shocked by the number of candles on their Birthday cake? If yes, then its time that you to slow down my friend and ask yourself 'what are you waiting for?' And is there an end to this vicious circle of wait, because if there isn’t then it’s not worth ignoring the beautiful life you have. We do not want to spend our lives waiting for Godot, because no one knows who Godot is and no one knows when he would come. There will always be things, events and milestones in life that would need your attention, but just your attention and not your life. Life is to live to the fullest, to be cherished and enjoyed and the stress that we take for our future should only be a small part of this life and not life in itself.

Here are a few lines that I read years back which kept coming back to me as I wrote this post and I googled them for you to read :

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day On the fly?
When you ask How are you? do you hear the reply?

When the day is done do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time to call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music. Before the song is over.

Twenty-Ten !

2010-01-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

2010 is here. Its a Happy New Year time. The year gone by was good while it lasted. It was more like a roller coaster ride of emotions for me, but then which year isn't that in my case :D Talking about 2009, the first day of the year was a depressing day of my life and the start was a nightmare. I still remember it vividly when things were almost falling apart and I wondered what was so happy about the new year. I saw life in its crude, rude, devastating sense. Endurance is what it taught me and faith is what kept me going. Pain is what I went through and love is what I sought. Traveled to find the truths within which did help me see a different side to life and made me stronger. Made bonds that I had not witnessed before and was subjected to affection that was hard to understand. But like they say, save the best for last maybe that is what was in store for me. The way the year began, it was no fun. Hurt by people I loved and cared for. Not that it was their fault either. A good friend who I loved left the country and moved to London. Life at work was mundane and days just passed mechanically. But then, I got a chance to move to Hyderabad to work for one of the coolest teams at Google. The Consumer Operations team and actually got to work on cool products like orkut and its new launch. I had a hell of a time at Hyderabad and the new team. Meanwhile, things at personal front that had gone bad to worse had finally found another feeling -- indifference. This by far was the best feeling I had, as it did not let me get affected by anything whatsoever. It was mid-year and I was not really disappointed with life. My health which usually fluctuates more than sensex was also getting better as compared to the previous track record. And then the best arrived, the second half of the year, life took a new turn, I met someone after which life was not the same. I smiled more often and laughed even more, my best friend visited me from Delhi, I got a surprise bonus at work... Then I had to make huge decisions -- one being -- relocating permanently to Hyderabad which I decided in favor of. It was not easy but then who said it would be. Whether it was worth it or not, I do not know yet, but I can say Ive been busy like hell since then and I have been loving it. Come november, I got the much awaited promotion ! Sweet November and Fun December as I took the longest vacation in 2 years and just got back 2 days back. I got back a special friend after a horrible year and its a new found friendship that I love and a letter from him that I cherish that cleared so many doubts and misnderstandings. This friendship taught me so much, made me a more mature person and a more practical one as well (can never really be sure if its me in question).

Though this year involved a lot of highs and lows, it taught me a lot. Professionally to be more diplomatic, less sarcastic. Personally, to be more mature and less of an emotional fool, value people who matter and not fuss over those who don't care. To forgive and forget, to love and be loved. To give and not expect in return. And a realization of what my best friend means to me and how life is not just black or white. So I thank you 2009 for making me the person that I am. And I also thank you for taking away something from me -- my weight :D

Welcome Twenty-Ten :) Please be nice to me and I'll write a post for you as well ;)

It’s a word called TRUST...

2009-12-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

Now that it’s all said and done in real, I want to put it in writing – the joke about this word called trust. Maybe the next person who uses the words ‘Trust me’ with me for the days to come is in for either the coldest stare or an obvious laugh that implies ‘are you kidding me?’ How many of you who are reading this right now can confidently say that you’ve never had anyone break your trust in life? And how many of you out of those have since then never been able to trust anyone else? So here you are, this is a focus group post – for the betrayed if I may say. The rest can stop here and exit.

I always thought that inherently all people are good. Its circumstances that make them behave the way they do. But what do you say when their act in those circumstances when you most need them/or need their absence is directly detrimental to your happiness. And then come the explanations which seem to blow your mind even more so for someone like me who has been dealing with them day in and day out. These were the people who needed me when they were down and out, and going through a dry patch in life. These are those people, some of them I stood by not even knowing their second names, let alone their lives. They tell you that they need you and then they come and cut you down. Just because I believed in being with someone when they have no one and there is a reason why I have a chance to help this person. I don’t know if I should curse my ideologies or the ways of the world where nothing but manipulations and explanations rule.

There is a breed of people who use you when they need you and to the last straw let me warn you, and suddenly while you’re just happy that you helped them they tell you you’re a blessing in disguise and you wonder ‘really?’ And that is when they let you talk, about your life and what you think – not because of a genuine interest, but because they need something else to talk to another person, oooopsss another blessing of their life. Yes, gossip is what they thrive on. This trait is people with inferiority complex where the only thing that can make them feel good about themselves is fake talking how miserable and demented others are. I don’t even want to pity them coz this disease of their manifests itself into a disease that they love and enjoy.

Then comes another kind, and this is a tough nut to crack. People who would do all they can to win your trust or even you if required and then they get a kick in shattering your opinion of them by doing things so lowly that you wouldn’t imagine. Ripping opinions apart is what they specialize in. But they wont stop there. They would come back and apologize till cows come home. And some fools like me maybe even forgive them only to be the ‘chosen one’ in another a few days.

If by now I am not insane and am even able to spell words correctly, you gotta give m a pat on my back because it does take a hell lot of perseverance to survive such people in life. They say ‘You can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold.You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold…’ And now that I have my bags full with such experiences, I can almost hear my secret santa whispering n my ears – ‘Trust none but thyself, dint I tell you that last year as well ?’

So if you’re one of those who’ve been betrayed and shocked by this new hobby of post-modern world, welcome to the gang and take my santa’s advice. And if you’re one of those who fall in the category of you know who – then first, why the hell are you here… I said exit in the first paragraph itself !!! But if now that you’re here, then let me just say that whatever goes around comes around and it doesn’t take long when you’re on the side of the court where explanations are being thrown at you which don’t make any sense to you and you’d rather choke yourself than have any of them hurled across to you. I’ll tell you the whole story soon, but not today. My mind and emotions need to be sorted through before I set them to paper. In the meantime, I leave you to wonder: Why is it that human beings spend so much time chasing something they know will probably never be caught? We do it in so many aspects of our lives. What is it that keeps us going when all signs point to nowhere? Why is it that we're always too late to learn important lessons in life? Why is it that sometimes, even when we think we're alright, we are not really so? Why can't world be black or white? And if its grey then why are the shades of grey so ugly?

Until then – Merry Christmas ! and yet Its too late to apologize ... and too late to forgive.

Ugly Mood Swings

2009-12-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or the weather, the city, the people? Oh..who am i kidding, its kind of at the point now where it HAS TO BE just me ! Before anyone else points this out let me say that im just as sick of my mood swings as they are. But then, sometimes I don't intend to hurt others or upset them with what is 'my problem.' But then how hard is it to leave a person alone when you can see they do not seem in the best of their spirits? That is something very hard for some people to understand and thus they end up being yelled at, have sarcasm thrown at them or just being ignored. Not my fault completely, I must add. There are also another variety which takes this sportingly while its happening and make it the talk of the town in the next 24 hours. A third kind, would come and give me feedback on my behavior during which, in my defense I do apologize and say that when I am keeping to myself, just try to stay clear of me when I look bummed. Now what more can I do -- I alienate myself from humanity when I am low and bummed just so that I do not end up taking it out on someone who totally does not deserve it. But there are some people who have it in their horoscope for the day to get a hearing from me. And they would go out of their way to act all stupid, foolish and demented and to top it all instigate me when I am in worst of my moods. So, they get it and get it real nice.

There is only so much I can do about myself. This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. And that is why -- all I say it I don't expect patience out of anyone to be with me and deal with all my tantrums coz really -- you don't have to. But if you fall in that category of people who see something divine in me (yes there is a lot like that to your amazement) then be with me with no complains because making it look like a struggle aint helping you my friend coz I don't give a damn when you try to make me feel that.

P.S -- This has been written in an ugly mood swing pang. In normal moods I am not exactly a carnivore, if the post made me look like one who'd eat you at first sight ;)

Thank you is not enough !

2009-11-04T07:14:00.000-08:00

Why does it happen that when you think of someone and your eyes well up? Why does it happen that every time you are are down there's just one person you need? Then why does it happen that that one person when comforts you, you dont want it and send him away? And still when they understand, you want to run to them and thank them? And when the evening sun is setting and you walk back home from a hard day, you know there is one person waiting for you, who wants to know if you're fine because until you tell them you are okay, life won't be okay for them. I as a rule have more bad days than good ones. And there is someone I have had by my side through the bad days for years now. But today is a big day for me -- I got a promotion at my job. And this is for that one person who I hold so dear to me. I cannot define our relationship in words but in another life if I am told that I could just have one person in my life from a previous life the name that I would probably take would be hers. And if this was not enough, serendipity brought me close to another sweetheart who is by far the only person about whom my opinions have taken a 360 degree turn in a short span of time.And by far the only person who's changed himself just for me. These are two people I miss right now -- two people i love so dearly -- and if I could I would fly away to a place right now where we could have our group hug. I love you guys. I miss you. You're the most important people in my life ! Thank you for standing by me through thick and thin and I owe all success in my life to you.

They say if people don't love you the way you want them to, it does not mean they don't love you with all their heart. Tell you what, in this case, I have been lucky for a change, I have two people who love me with all they have AND they love me the way i want them too. All the time, day in and day out. With everything they have. Thanks you both for being with me. One for a while and another for so much longer :) I love you both and this is to you.

To Sneha and Meeto -- I love you so so much! Thank you for being with me at times when even devils would want to run away. " There arent words to describe to you how i feel about us. You have been there for me through one of the worst times in my life.You listened to me everytime i needed to talk.I could tell in your eyes that you were hurt and angry when I said mean things. But you still listened to my problems. Even though we've been mad at each other we got over it and i feel our friendship grew stronger. I've cried many tears for our friendship and felt alot of pain but i want you to know that I admire what we have. I consider you my best friends. I wud be lost without your friendship. Please forgive me for all the hurt and pain I may have caused you. I hope and pray that this lasts forever! "

We all need someone
To talk to in our life,
A friend to whom we run
In times of stress or strife

A friend who's always there
Throughout the years,
A friend we know will care
And take away our fears.

A friend who's always near,
Waiting for our call,
To wipe away our tears,
And lift us when we fall.

A loving friend indeed,
On whom we can depend
To fulfill our every need -
Thank you, precious friend !

I Do ! or Do I?

2009-10-31T12:20:00.000-07:00

No matter how much I try to associate myself with the clear frame of mind, a sense of confusion always seems to surround me in one way or the other. Decision making is really not as simple as it look from afar. What do you know -- one wrong decision can make you repent all your life and a right one can take you places. Well, that said, the problems do not end here. Even if you complete the herculean task of taking the right decision -- the 'no pain, no gain' theory or 'no rainbows without rains' (whichever you believe in :D ) stand in your way. Say, that the sun rose in the east and I ended up taking a right decision for once. And the decision here I am talking about is not whether to eat dosa or idly at 'Chutneys' (with all due respect to this kind of decisions also though, its quite touch for me to choose what i want to eat at any point in time). The kinds I am talking is about packing up your crap from one cool city in the north of India and dumping it in one boring city in the south. I am still awaiting all the pats on the back that I deserve for being able to do this, let alone the sympathies that should have started pouring from friends by now.

So back to the rainbow and rain/pain and gain theory, the struggle has just begun. I can hear the music from the movie 'Lagaan' playing in my head as I gear up to change my current city on Facebook from 'New Delhi' To 'Hyderabad.' Besides, I rather develop a taste for such profound music as by the looks of it, I will have a huge requirement of such songs in the months to come. The inspirational ones you know. Just like they played the patriotic ones day in and day out during the freedom struggle. Anyhow, by now the erstwhile funny Khushi has turned into a sad puppy who was a bond girl when it came to relocation and now on the verge of being homeless, she is ranting here !

Rain/pain no. 1 :

1) Living on the footpath may seem like a good idea only if madhur bhandarkar paid you for it. As those are just dream, get down to work -- House hunting. Whoever came up with this term must have realized the sheer desperation/adventure/hopelessness of it to call it hunting. In my already overwhelmed state I took upon me the task of finding a nest for myself. And the I exclaimed, "Wow, there are a lot of houses for rent." And after looking at them, "Man, I wish there were some different houses for rent..." And while I am at it, I should also give away a free piece of advice here, that if anyone of you ever go house hunting, so make a list of things that you want, and a list of things that you sure don't, say termites ! Well, m no pro at this, n now as my phone rings and the number of a new broker flashing, I'll sign off. More on the house hunting escapades and the rain/pain theory later!

A new dawn

2009-10-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

It isn't New Years this time and so I am not thinking that 'Oh I so need a fresh start! Let's do it with a new Blog.' Neither is it New Year's Eve that I am home alone thinking 'Oh I am so lonely, let me create a new blog and rant all over again.' Its not a sad day or a happy one. Its just another day in a random world when while doing random things, I realized that I need a new beginning. Dropped my earphones, shut the laptop, grabbed a pen and paper and wrote whatever came to mind. When I was done, I was pleasantly surprised. To my astonishment, there lay my thoughts, the answers to my questions and the solutions to my problems. And though it did not show me the destination of my life, it woke up the lost me from slumber and shook me up to move in THE direction. Dreams here I come to catch you and make you come true !

:) :)